


(you have) broken through my armour

by aarobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:41:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/aarobron
Summary: I love you, he thinks. I miss you, he thinks. This is too much, he thinks. Robert’s been gone days but it feels like weeks, and he’s never understood that phrase, absence makes the heart grows fonder. He’s never understood it until this week, until tonight, until he’d give up everything he had to feel Robert’s hand on his stomach, tracing soft, soft circles until they’d drifted off, pressed together from head to toe.





	

**Author's Note:**

> the first thing i've written in years!  
> title from manic street preachers x

They’re too far away, he thinks. Robert’s on another business trip, the kind that seem to be too often these days. He’s in Wolverhampton; at some kind of conference that he knows is good for both educating and networking, but it’s not good for either of them. He hates this room without Robert, thinks it feels empty, lonely, abandoned. It feels like nothing, like a shell, without the long planes and soft curves of the man he loves. He never felt like this a few months ago, he enjoyed the space. He enjoyed being alone. But with his arm wrapped around Robert’s pillow, face pressed into the crease of his elbow and deep, steady breaths to keep him calm, he feels like he’s missing a part of himself. It just doesn’t feel right.

His phone lights up next to him, eyes and thoughts straying. _I can’t sleep_ , it tells him. The curve of his lips is hidden in the cotton, eyes drooping as he imagines Robert in the same position miles and miles away. He’s about to reply when it lights up again. _I never could, without you_. He breathes out a soft sigh, picking the phone up, tracing his thumb over the words like he’d trace Robert’s lips if he were there.

He finally works up the energy to reply, four simple words and a question mark, but it’s loaded and it has more meaning than either of them would admit. It’s a question he’s scared to ask, because he doesn’t want to fight. He doesn’t want to shut Robert down again, wants him open. He asks, _not even with her?_ and holds his breath waiting for the answer. He doesn’t wait long, though, the phone buzzing almost immediately: _Especially not with her_. 

I love you, he thinks. I miss you, he thinks. This is too much, he thinks. Robert’s been gone days but it feels like weeks, and he’s never understood that phrase, absence makes the heart grows fonder. He’s never understood it until this week, until tonight, until he’d give up everything he had to feel Robert’s hand on his stomach, tracing soft, soft circles until they’d drifted off, pressed together from head to toe. He forgets to reply, too lost inside his mind until another text comes through. _She was never you_ , it reads, _it was always you_. 

He doesn’t realise what he’s doing until he’s pulling up Adam’s number, starting a text explaining that _oh, I’m so sorry, mate, but I don’t think I’ll be in tomorrow. I have a stomach bug, I know it’s sudden but, well, you know how these things are and we don’t have a lot on anyway, but I’ll pull my weight next week, promise_ \- and another text from Robert takes up half of the screen, stopping him in his tracks. He glances back over his ramblings, deleting half of it until it just says why he won’t be in, because he was never good at lying, not even with pixelated words. He doesn’t even know why he’s done it until he opens Robert’s text.

 _I can’t wait to hold you. I miss you so much_. And this, this is the Robert that he loves. No one else gets to see him like this, not even Chrissie, he thinks bitingly. No one else gets to see him, sharp lines and furrowed brows and fierce smirk all softened, smudged, blurred until he’s smiling, genuinely smiling in a way that makes him look younger. No one gets to see his Robert, the Robert he fell in love with, the Robert that he always saw underneath the front. And maybe that’s why no one understands their relationship. Not his mum, not Paddy, not Adam, not even Vic. But he doesn’t want them to see his Robert; he needs to keep that to himself. He needs something that’s only his, something to hold onto when times get tough. Everyone else has seen all the other parts of Robert, and it makes his chest feel tight knowing that this is all for him.

 _I love you_ , Robert says, as though he can read Aaron’s thoughts. And really, it wouldn’t surprise him if he could – they feel so tuned into each other, one heart, one mind, one skin. Because this is the Robert that he treasures, soft and open, texting his thoughts and feelings; saying the things that he would never have the guts to say when the sun rises, too scared of being scared. 

_I know_ , he replies. _I’ve always known_. And they don’t talk about this often, only hushed admissions seeping into each other’s skin, chased by soft, desperate kisses at 3am. He knows he won’t sleep tonight; yearns for the feeling of Robert’s lips brushing his neck, the feeling of Robert’s knee tucked between his own. It just feels too empty without him, without golden hair and golden skin. He feels empty without Robert, and that’s probably not healthy, he thinks, but to him, to love, it’s all or nothing. It’s either all consuming or a fleeting crush, but he hasn’t moulded himself around Robert. He’s just been shaped.

It was nothing Robert forced him to do, like he could ever, he thinks. It was something he needed to do on his own; to love like this, a real love, a breath taking love. It wasn’t the best of starts, sure, but when have the best love stories ever been easy? An affair, rushed meetings, secret kisses; it had made their relationship all that more special. It made him appreciate it, appreciate the fact he no longer had to hide Robert, to be ashamed of his love. No strings turning into heartstrings, half an hour before she notices turning into twelve hours in their bed not caring who noticed: it was perfect.

 _I’m coming home. I can’t stand this._ His heart beats faster at those words, and he wants to say no, don’t rush, stay where you are, but the words die as soon as they pass through his mind. Instead, he texts back _be careful, please_ and it’s not explicit but it’s I love you nonetheless. And with the safe thought of Robert, Robert, Robert chanting through his mind, the anticipation making his fingertips buzz, he closes his eyes, seeing blue eyes and pink lips behind his lids.

He must have dozed off, must have, because the next thing he knows he’s been woken up by a dip in the mattress. He turns round, shifts a bit because he’s managed to end up in the middle of the bed, and the minute he opens his eyes he sees goldgoldgold. “Robert,” he whispers, like that’s the only thing he can say, the only thing he can think. “Rob.” And Robert pulls him in, strong arms folded around him until he doesn’t know where either of them end.

“I’m here,” Robert murmurs, voice low and drifting through the air like velvet. “Couldn’t do it, need you too much.” They both silently agree that a week is pushing it, is pushing them, because they’ve spent barely more than a night away from each other for months, years. Robert drops his lips onto his face and hair, and each kiss feels like a breath of air, feels like being alive. “’m here, baby. Sleep.”  


The pet name is new, he thinks, but he also thinks it’s a sign of how close to the edge they both were. He needs the affection and Robert needs to give him it, so he closes his eyes, curls his fingers into the dip of his collarbone and rests his head over the familiar heartbeat. He feels Robert’s fingertips bruising into his hip, like a reminder, an indication that he’s no one else’s, never will be, and Robert’s other hand is tangled in his hair. Neither of them want to move, despite the strong sunlight shining through the weak curtains, despite the sound of ChasCharityLivNoah moving around downstairs. They both close their eyes, finally complete, only a week too late and they drift off around the same time, safe, finally safe. It feels like home.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ aarobron


End file.
